Close my eyes
by Autumnsonlyone
Summary: A companion peice to Burnt and Broken. You don't HAVE to read that one first, But I would appreciate the reviews.


Ok People, Listen up! This is my disclaimer! I do not own this show, I am in no way associated with this show, and I do not own any of the characters, except the ones you don't recognize. I am not breaking any laws by writing this fic, (At least I don't think I am). Please do not attempt to sue me. I am poor. You will get nothing. That said please read and review and I will do the same to your fics. Thank you very much.

_Who is this man that I've become  
its killing me to see myself  
How do you learn how to forgive  
When deep down inside you can't forget  
With all that I regret  
I pray for the first time in a long time_  
_The lies fade away_

Tyler stood outside the doors of the clinic, nervous about taking the step that would allow him to reach his hand out for the door handle that would take him into the psych ward that Alex and his parents had recommended for him to go to in order to get help dealing with his problems. Not his first choice to be sure. Tyler set his bag on the seat next to him and sat down heavily. Not sure if he was really actually ready to take the next step, he sat down, pulling his knees up to his chest to think.

Tyler tried not to let it show that he was crying- no wait, make that sobbing. His shoulders gave him away however. Tyler would never admit it but he was scared, terrified even. It had only been a week since the last time he had cut himself. He didn't think that he had started to hit the withdrawal point yet. Jamie had said that would come later. Probably after he had been clean for 2 whole weeks. Two weeks. The thought scared the hell out of Tyler and at the same time, it made him miss the long talks he had with Jamie many nights about the cutting. He found that Jamie had infinite patience when it came to talking about the cutting. He had willingly giving up his coping mechanism. Now he was wondering what had possessed him to do it.

'_I'm not even ready for this. Plain and simple. Nope, not ready. I'm going home. The hell with this place. I will come back when I decide for myself that I am ready. If I ever am. This is the decision that I am making for myself. No one else is making it for me! ' _Tyler stood up and turned to walk away from the building. He slammed into someone's chest.

"Hey Ty! Where are you off to in such a rush? I was hoping that I would catch you before you checked yourself into the clinic. Am I too late to catch you?" Tyler looked up into Jamie Waite's face and felt like crying, he was so relieved to see Jamie. He just shook his head mutely. Then forced himself to actually talk and say the words hoping that they sounded believable.

"No Jamie. I was just on my way to the diner. I find that I am a little bit hungry at the moment."

'_Coward.'_

'_No I'm not, and if I were what's it to you?'_

'_You know you are such a coward. Afraid of a little pain. As for what it is to me? Well, I AM YOU, at least a little part of your subconscious.' _

'_You aren't a part of- wait. I am NOT having this conversation with myself. And I am definitely NOT telling Jamie about this either.' _

"Cool. I am a little hungry as well. Mind if I join you?" Jamie suspected what was really the problem with Tyler but he was willing to be patient until Tyler told him. Tyler would spill his guts to Jamie. He always did. Not that Jamie minded. He had found a kindred spirit in Tyler. He understood a lot of Jamie had been feeling in the past month, and at the same time, Jamie knew where Tyler was coming from. They made their way to the diner down the street.

After settling into a booth and giving their order to the waitress, Jamie leaned back took a cursory look at Tyler. He looked like he hadn't slept in weeks. Jamie was willing to bet that he was starting to hit withdrawal, which would suck for him, as it had for Jamie himself when he had gone through it. Jamie would try to help him as much as possible, but knew that Tyler had to do most of the work himself. He looked at Tyler again to find him staring right back.

"What Tyler?" Tyler shrugged.

"Just wondering what is going on in that head of yours. It's been a while since we talked last. I miss our talks. You actually understand. More than mom and dad, more than that stupid shrink they were trying to send me to. I didn't have to explain everything in minute detail to you. You've been there." Jamie nodded and settled back for a long talk.

They talked about many things. Finally, during a lull in the conversation, Jamie asked the question that was on his mind all evening.

"Tyler. You are not going to go to the clinic are you? You had no intention of ever going did you?" Tyler shook his head. Jamie nodded.

"Mind if I ask why? Because I personally want you to get this under control for you and no one else. I want you to be free from the addiction that it WILL become for you if left unchecked. What are you really afraid of Tyler? Are you afraid that you won't see me or the others again? Your parents? Alex?" Tyler shook his head.

"No. Everyone's been making decisions for me. No one is interested in asking me what I want. They just assume that I don't know what's best for me." Jamie nodded in understanding. He had been so blind. He hadn't seen it until now.

"Then Ty, come back and tell them that. Tell them that what they have decided is not alright with you. That you would like some input in your own treatment. I will go with you if you want. Whatever you decide." Tyler nodded.

"I need to think about it. I don't know. I just sort of sat back and let everyone else make all of the decisions for me. I never thought to ask 'what does Tyler want'. Is that ok?" Jamie nodded.

"I think that sounds fine Ty. You need to do what you think is best. Even if it means temporarily going against everyone else and their so called 'we-know-what's-best-for-you' attitude. You ready to head out or do you want to keep sitting here?" Tyler nodded and they stood up, paid the bill and walked out the door still talking.

As they walked, they talked some more. Tyler was pretty scared about the concept of withdrawal. Having never been addicted to something, it was like a foreign concept to him. Jamie was doing pretty good feeding his knowledge about what to expect, what he had gone through himself, as well as how it felt to go through it so Tyler's apprehension about it was abated somewhat.

They had reached the point where they had met when Tyler had been thinking about making his escape away from the clinic. Tyler had been quiet for some time, and Jamie was a touch concerned but not enough to interrupt Tyler's train of thought. He was content to let him have his thinking.

_I never was sure but now I am  
This was the choice I had to make  
Maybe I'll never understand  
Sometimes you've gotta make mistakes_

Tyler had a small moment of awakening while they stood there trying to decide if they were going to say goodbye or tell his parents that he wanted to be in on any talks about his treatment. Tyler dropped his bag on the seat next to him and sat down. Jamie squatted next to him. Tyler started sobbing again. Jamie held him.

"I don't know if I can do it Jamie. I'd go nuts locked inside. I don't even like to be inside when I am sick in bed. And this would be for the summer. I don't know what to do Jamie. Help me." Jamie sat there and held Tyler while he briefly freaked out. Jamie had no intention of making any decision for him. Tyler was not currently a danger to himself or anyone else, so Jamie was content to just ride out the storm. It brought back some flashes of when he went to rehab. Jamie had gone willingly. He made the decision to stop and sought out help on his own. But it was a little different for Tyler. He wanted to stop. But at his own pace. He wanted to take baby steps. And personally Jamie felt that he wasn't ready for rehab. Therapy first maybe, but not rehab. But Jamie kept that thought to himself. After a few minutes, Jamie shook Tyler while speaking quietly.

"Tyler. Ty? Wake up man. I can see your parents coming. I bet they are coming to make sure that you checked in and they look pissed. I don't want to rush you but you need to make a decision. At least a temporary one. For the time being." Tyler woke up and stretched.

"Tyler Honey! There you are! The clinic called us and said that you hadn't checked in yet and they were worried that something might have happened to you or that you might have run away. I see Jamie's here with you. Have you guys been talking for so long that you failed to notice the time? Come on, let's get you inside and checked in. I think they are still serving Dinner."

Tyler's mother took his hand and pulled him up. They started to walk away and Tyler looked over his shoulder at Jamie. Jamie merely nodded. Tyler turned to face his mother and father who both had a hold of his upper arms. Tyler stopped dead in his tracks suddenly causing their grips to be broken. He quickly stepped away for them.

"Tyler! We don't have time for this. Now come on." He looked at his father who was standing there with his hands on his hips. Tyler wanted to laugh. He glanced at his mother who was looking around furtively to make sure no one was watching. Tyler rolled his eyes. He backed up again when his father reached for him.

"No." His parents stopped dead.

"What did you say young man?"

"I said no, dad. I am not going to the clinic right now. I don't want to. It's not in my best interest." His parents shook their heads sadly.

"Tyler, you don't know what's in your best interest sweetie. That's why we are making the decision for you. We don't understand this sickness you have. We don't understand why you would want to do things like that to yourself. We do however understand and recognize that you need help. Whether you will admit it or not. Jack, go get one of the orderlies to help you with him. This is breaking my heart." Tyler's mother turned away and sat on the benched vacated by Tyler and Jamie.

"Wait please. You both know me. I am a friend of Tyler's. I have been with him since he told Alex at the station about the cutting. I personally don't think it's in his best interest to go there tonight. I was just telling Tyler tonight that I wanted to introduce him to my Therapist. I want to help Tyler as much as you both do. I speak from experience when I say that it's not in his best interest for him to go there. Let him try therapy for say 6 months. And go from there. Please." Tyler's parents looked at Jamie as if he were a bug to be dispatched. But Jamie didn't back down.

"It remains. I am not going in there tonight. I have an appointment tomorrow with this therapist to see if he can help me. I refuse to not explore this possible avenue of help. I know I have a problem, I can admit that. What you both need to do is recognize that I can make my own decisions regarding this. And I have made it. And my mind is made up." Tyler spoke in a very matter of fact tone and his parents merely nodded mutely.

"Can we go home please? I am tired. It's starting to rain and I have been out here all day. And I'm kind of hungry again." They all walked off to the car, promising to drop Jamie off after they talked more about this therapist. Jamie was relieved. He knew that Tyler would get the help he needed, But on HIS terms. No one else's.


End file.
